Discreet Dating is all around us, it is even becoming a popular idea in the work place. In fact the stuff that get’s the day going is always the water cooler chatting. No one really cares to much about who is dating or is interested in someone, they are more interested in who is havinf an affair with someone.
The work place can be a difficult place to have an discreet dating affair, because of so many open ears and gossip that someone will most likely find out. Often besides a discreet dating site, the office has become a top place for the discreet dating lifestyle.
Discreet Dating
In fact, it’s said that the workplace has now become the No. 1 place for married men and women to have extramarital affairs. Which isn’t really surprising and very predictable. With longer hours and tougher demands on them, the working population spends most of life at work nowadays. Often stressed out and very involved with their job, people develop close friendships with colleagues who understand what they’re dealing with and may have a lot of respect for them. In an environment of stress and/or excitement, a strong bond can develop between men and women co-workers who share the same interests. Add in occasional after-work social contact and it can quickly become a deeper emotional bond. That’s usually when the sexual spark ignites. Here’s an anatomy of an office affair.

Appears alluring An office affair may appear alluring as the intended lover may seem more exciting, interesting and even more nurturing than the sometimes distracted spouse in their well-worn relationship. Add to that the adrenaline rush — the thrill, the excitement, the stimulation, the feeling of living life on the edge after perhaps some dull years at home — and you have what seems to be an irresistible combo. Of course, all couples who start a workplace affair think no one will notice if they keep it very discreet. They believe if they behave professionally in front of other colleagues, go to places where other workers don’t go, keep contact to the minimum and outside the company (no sex in the supply room or the parking lot …), it will fly under the radar.
They’re wrong.
Office, if not company, radar is infallible — probably because everyone works so closely together and notices things others might not. And someone will always see them together somewhere. Then they’re the subject of titillating gossip as well as jealousy and resentment. The latter comes when it’s the boss, male or female. Co-workers will always be convinced they’re favouring you, (even if they’re doing the opposite in order not to promote any speculation), especially if you get a raise or promotion or even extra attention. Your achievements, no matter how great or well-earned, will always be suspect. Can lead to job loss If the affair comes to the attention of the management, and this can also be inevitable given how competitive and ambitious many workplaces are these days, it can be disastrous and lead to job loss.
New Type of Dating
Unlike the old days where it was always the woman who was fired, especially if she was a subordinate, it’s now an equal-opportunity situation. And it doesn’t matter how high up they are in management. For instance, Boeing president and CEO Harry Stonecipher was fired in 2005 for having an affair with a female executive. His long-term marriage ended soon after. But what happens if the affair ends while you’re both still working at the same company? Who leaves and who stays? And if you both stay, how toxic can such a situation get? Anyone who has been through that will tell you it can be a daily hell on earth. So why will people risk everything — their careers, reputation and marriage — to do it? Good question.
It’s one I have, in the past, asked myself … MONEY LINDA LEATHERDALE The late Doug Creighton, our bigger-than-life and sadly missed Sun founder, would often remark: “If I banned couples working together at the Sun, I’d have to fire half the staff.” Those were the heady days, when affairs at the office weren’t as frowned upon as they are today. Flings did happen, and sometimes ended with the love-struck tying the knot. Take Sun cartoonist Andy Donato. He ended up walking down the aisle with talented and pretty Dianne Jackson, an artist who also worked at the Sun. They’ve been married for years. There are many other happy endings, which could be one reason why we felt like one big family.
But lately, and especially south of the border, companies are taking stricter stances on love at the office. In fact, there have been firings when the CEO of a large conglomerate was caught sending steamy e-mails to a younger female executive.
The affair did not break the company’s code of business, said the company’s chairman, but a probe did uncover “some issues of poor judgment.” Poor judgment could be using the corporate credit card to pay for hotel rooms, weekend getaways, dinners and long evenings in the lobby bar. Then there’s love and loose lips. Whispering corporate secrets into her ear may also be poor judgment.
JUST CAUSE FOR FIRING?
“You can certainly get fired for having an affair, but whether it constitutes a just cause for being fired is another question,” says Jim McDonald, an employment lawyer with Toronto law firm, Sack Goldblatt Mitchell. He adds that one way you can get fired is if the company has a clearly articulated policy against inter-office affairs. McDonald agrees it’s a changing corporate world, where morality rules and sexual harassment is no longer tolerated. Even an off-colour joke these days can land you on the carpet in the human resources office. Coming onto a fellow employee who doesn’t want your affections will likely lead to a warning. If your unwanted advances persist, expect a pink slip. McDonald warns against writing love letters online, since Big Brother is watching. In the wake of big scandals in the financial world, like Enron and Worldcom, more companies are using software to monitor what’s coming in and out of the e-mail server. Even inter-office mail is monitored. “An employer has the right to monitor e-mails, so be wise,” McDonald said. Some companies are also enacting new policies under which affairs must be disclosed. The couple may need not fear losing a job, but chances are if they’re working together, one will be moved to another part of the company. NO FIGHTING WITH SPOUSE And it’s often frowned upon for a married couple to work together as boss and subordinate. “Fighting with your wife in the office will not be allowed,” said McDonald. “You have to keep your home life at home.”
And what’s happens if the hot office affair turns sour?
McDonald recalls a case in which a couple who ended their office affair started having some nasty altercations in the workplace. “Both were warned their conduct was not allowed, and if it continued, they would be dismissed,” he said. And here’s something to think about. Almost 30% of workers say they met their spouse or significant other at work. Now you have a couple earning their living at the same place. If there’s a downturn in their industry and the company brings in layoffs, both may find themselves out of work and having a tough time finding a new job. Pensions could be lost. My advice is diversify your skills, be willing to move and get credit counselling. And remember this: Love conquers all.
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