A lot of couples met and started their relationships in their workplaces. It started with simple flirting then discreet dating and for some, the wedding followed soon after. However, to a number of romantically involved employees, the outcome is not so good. Those negative consequences are the basic reasons why love affairs in the workplace are still being frowned upon by many.
The office can be a difficult place to have a discreet dating affair. Gossips about who’s having an affair with whom spread like wildfire. Despite that, it has still become a top place for the discreet dating lifestyle.
Discreet Dating
According to some, the workplace has now become the No. 1 place for married men and women to have extramarital affairs. And that’s not really surprising. With longer hours and tougher demands on employees, the working population spends most of life at work nowadays. Often stressed out and very involved with their job, people develop close friendship with colleagues who understand what they’re dealing with. In an environment of stress and/or excitement, a strong bond can develop between men and women co-workers who share the same interests. Add in occasional after-work social contact and it can quickly become a deeper emotional bond. That’s usually when the sexual spark ignites.
Here’s an anatomy of an office affair.
An office affair may appear alluring as the intended lover may seem more exciting, interesting and even more nurturing than the sometimes distracted spouse in a well-worn relationship. Add to that the adrenaline rush — the thrill, the excitement, the stimulation, the feeling of living life on the edge after perhaps some dull years at home — and you have what seems to be an irresistible combo. Of course, all couples who start a workplace affair think no one will notice if they keep it very discreet. They believe if they behave professionally in front of other colleagues, go to places where other workers don’t go, keep contact to the minimum and outside the company, it will fly under the radar.
WRONG.
Office, if not company, radar is infallible. That’s probably because everyone works so closely together and notices things others might not. And, someone will always see them together somewhere. Then they’re the subject of titillating gossip as well as jealousy and resentment. The latter comes when it’s the boss who’s having an affair. If you’re one who’s having a rumored affair with your boss, co-workers will always be convinced that he or she is favoring you. Especially if you get a raise or promotion or even extra attention, resentment will intensify.
Your achievements, no matter how great or well-earned, will always be suspected. It can even lead to job loss. If the affair comes to the attention of the management, and this can also be inevitable given how competitive and ambitious many workplaces are these days, it can be disastrous and cost you your job.
New Type of Dating
In the old days, it was always the woman who was fired, especially if she was a subordinate. But gone are those days. And it doesn’t matter how high up are you now in the management.
For instance, Boeing president and CEO Harry Stonecipher was fired in 2005 for having an affair with a female executive. His long-term marriage ended soon after. But what happens if the affair ends while you’re both still working at the same company? Who leaves and who stays? And if you both stay, how toxic can such a situation get? Anyone who has been through that will tell you it can be a daily hell on earth. So why will people risk everything — their careers, reputation and marriage — to do it? Good question.
It’s one I have, in the past, asked myself … MONEY LINDA LEATHERDALE The late Doug Creighton, our bigger-than-life and sadly missed Sun founder, would often remark: “If I banned couples working together at the Sun, I’d have to fire half the staff.” Those were the heady days, when affairs at the office weren’t as frowned upon as they are today. Flings did happen, and sometimes ended with the love-struck tying the knot. Take Sun cartoonist Andy Donato. He ended up walking down the aisle with talented and pretty Dianne Jackson, an artist who also worked at the Sun. They’ve been married for years.
There are many other happy endings, which could be one reason why we felt like one big family.
But lately, and especially south of the border, companies are taking stricter stances on love at the office. In fact, there have been firings when the CEO of a large conglomerate was caught sending steamy e-mails to a younger female executive.
The affair did not break the company’s code of business, said the company’s chairman, but a probe did uncover “some issues of poor judgment.” Poor judgment could be using the corporate credit card to pay for hotel rooms, weekend getaways, dinners and long evenings in the lobby bar. Then there’s love and loose lips. Whispering corporate secrets into her ear may also be poor judgment.
JUST CAUSE FOR FIRING?
“You can certainly get fired for having an affair, but whether it constitutes a just cause for being fired is another question,” says Jim McDonald, an employment lawyer with Toronto law firm, Sack Goldblatt Mitchell. He adds that one way you can get fired is if the company has a clearly articulated policy against inter-office affairs. McDonald agrees it’s a changing corporate world, where morality rules and sexual harassment is no longer tolerated. Even an off-colour joke these days can land you on the carpet in the human resources office.
Coming onto a fellow employee who doesn’t want your affections will likely lead to a warning. If your unwanted advances persist, expect a pink slip. McDonald warns against writing love letters online, since Big Brother is watching. In the wake of big scandals in the financial world, like Enron and Worldcom, more companies are using software to monitor what’s coming in and out of the e-mail server.
Even inter-office mail is now being monitored. “An employer has the right to monitor e-mails, so be wise,” McDonald said. Some companies are also enacting new policies under which affairs must be disclosed. The couple may need not fear losing a job, but chances are if they’re working together, one will be moved to another part of the company. NO FIGHTING WITH SPOUSE And it’s often frowned upon for a married couple to work together as boss and subordinate. “Fighting with your wife in the office will not be allowed,” said McDonald. “You have to keep your home life at home.”
And what’s happens if the hot office affair turns sour?
McDonald recalls a case in which a couple who ended their office affair started having some nasty altercations in the workplace. “Both were warned their conduct was not allowed, and if it continued, they would be dismissed,” he said.
And here’s something to think about. Almost 30% of workers say they met their spouse or significant other at work. Now you have a couple earning their living at the same place. If there’s a downturn in their industry and the company brings in layoffs, both may find themselves out of work and having a tough time finding a new job. Pensions could be lost. My advice is diversify your skills, be willing to move and get credit counselling. And remember this: Love conquers all.
Now if you want to meet to avoid the complications of office romance, why not find someone to date through web? There are now many online dating sites that can help find a date easy and quick.
And to start right your online dating plans, here’s a video to help you.
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